Penguin

Aw, Penguins are cute
but also, very tasty.
Try one on pizza!

Superhero

I wish I was a
SUPERHERO because then
I could eat a horse!

Pants

God damn, I hate pants
It's hot and I'm all sweaty
THEY HAVE TO COME OFF!

Roof

ALIX MORGAN LENCZ
get down off the roof, silly!
that's no place for you!

Sparrows

I see you there bird!
eating all my tasty crumbs
get your own sandwich!

Cup

I got my hand stuck
IT GOT STUCK IN A SMALL CUP
now I feel silly

x.x

Shaving Cream

I used shaving cream
It squirted on my leg.
BATHROOM BUKKAKE!

Meningococcal

Oh no, that disease
I got all itchy and stuff
then my leg fell off.

'Nam

Where did my limbs go?
I fought in that war back when.
It was pretty fun.

Carbon Tax

Thoughts on carbon tax?
the government and money.
shouldn't get married.

Sharks

Shark with a mustache.
drinking martinis in suits.
James Bond of the sea.

Cows in a line

Look at all those cows.
Standing in a line like that.
Peters tripping balls.

Microwave/Macaroni/Fish

Sometimes, people like to challenge my Haiku skills.
Because I am the greatest, I usually exceed expectations.

First line "Microwave"
Second line "Macaroni"
Third line "Fish"

GO.


Peters microwave.
Making some macaroni
then the fish stole it.

Captive

This is haiku about a show I stage managed;

In the dark of night.
Under bridge. Basement. Caged.
I'll hold you captive.

I'm not creepy.

The show was >)